Family Videos

I spent the majority of my day watching family videos from the early 2000's. Here are some observations:

-I am way too excited about lame stocking stuffers (I GOT A HOLE PUNCHER! NYLONS! FLOWER UNDERWEAR (now Kiri these are mine, you can't wear them), NAIL CLIPPERS!)

-It makes sense why Emma ignores us now, we used to say her name literally every second of the day ("Emma answer my question!" "Emma make a funny face!" "Emma what do you have?" "Emma look at me!" "Emma what did you get?" "Emma, Emma, Emma!")

-Me: I got deodorant!
 Andrew: Just what you wanted!
 Kiri: Just what you needed!

-We had a birthday party for Emma's doll. Cake, pass the parcel, presents.

-Emma said super cute things like "I belong in a zoo!" "Pimeytails" (aka ponytails) "I'm putting my presents over here so you don't touch my stuff!"-said by 2 year old Emma

-There is a ten second video of my mom picking her nose

-There is a ten second video of Emma with snot dangling from her nose to chin. After ten second Andrew gets a tissue and wipes it for her.

- Emma couldn't blow out her candles so she tried putting her doll on the lit flame.

-Emma, while Andrew was attacking her: "Sisters! Sisters!"

-If our family videos from 2000 on were made into a movie it would probably be called "Emma and Her Family"

-We used to fight over who could cuddle Emma

-Andrew is really obnoxious when the video camera is on.

-We gave mom a Starbucks card and tumble for Christmas in 2002. Kiri: We bought it with our own money! The cup was $3.95

-Once my mom was in the kitchen grinding coffee. Me: "Mom! I wanted to grind the coffee!" I was obviously destined to be a barista

-Instead of a blindfold while hitting the piñata, my family just put paper bags over kids heads.

-Emma was like our doll, we dressed her up and put makeup on her when she was a baby.

Some Random Thoughts on Reading

I have rekindled my relationship with books and I am so in love.

I didn’t think I was a reading. I always told people I just didn’t like to read because I couldn’t get into books.

I’m so glad I got over that.

Books are incredible. It’s like an adventure I get to go on while sitting on the couch or laying in bed. 

Every time I finish a book I want to get a tattoo that represents it. I never do but I feel kind of guilty for not. I owe it to these words and these characters who took me into theirs lives and showed me around. They gave me a few hours, days or weeks of joy and sorrow and I mourn their loss when they are gone. The least I can do it give them a square inch of my body. 

I feel bad when characters die in books. Especially the ones I really like. I feel guilty, like it was my fault. I just finished a book where a character is dying through several chapters and I felt like I was killing him a little more with each page I turned. Like if I stopped reading he would have lived forever. But I couldn’t let him live, I had to feed my curiosity and as a result he died. It was all my fault. 

But I guess you can look at it from the other point of view. The books that end happily. With each page I get to bring people together. I reunite parents with their children. I find long lost lovers. I win wars. I kill Voldemort. I save the world. 

So I guess you just have to finish the books no matter what. 

Why are emotions so much stronger in books than movies? I can watch a funny movie and barely smile or watch a sad movie and not shed a single tear. In books I laugh and I sob. I feel like my heart explodes and my stomach is in knots. 

I wish I would have started reading long ago. I have wasted so much time that could have been filled with so many stories! I feel so behind. 

Defining the Relationship

with myself. 

My feelings were hurt and I was being bullied. It was no ones fault but my own. I littered my mind with negativity regarding myself. I got fed up and called myself out. It was time to have a serious talk.

“So, where is this relationship going?” 

I think it’s an important question and one I should have asked myself long ago.

In fact, I don’t think I ask myself important questions nearly enough, if ever. 

After a long talk (all in my head, with a few words sputtered under my breath) I decided to make a commitment to myself. I was going to love me. 

Falling in love with oneself sounds absolutely selfish but I think it’s incredibly important. 

Why would you expect anyone else to love you when you can’t even love yourself?

Everyone yearns to be loved. We feel like we have the right to be loved and I think we do. We have the right to be loved by ourselves. I’m learning, and this relationship is still growing, but I think we have a chance. 

I love myself the way I envision being loved (One of the perks of loving yourself, you know exactly what you want and need). I notice the little things.

I love my quirks. 

The way I find interests and turn them into obsessions. 

How I find a new phrase I like and say it every other sentence.

How I squint my eyes when i’m thinking. 

That I bite my nails when i’m nervous (or all the time for that matter).

and so much more.

I love my body.

I look in the mirror and I don’t see flaws. 

I look in the mirror and I see beauty. 

I look in the mirror and I see someone I love

I want to be loved for the things that make me unique, special and unlike anyone else. All of them. 

The way I overreact and overanalyze.

The way I get mad before hearing all sides - or even the end - of the story.

The way I get angry on an empty stomach.

My stubbornness.

My irrationality

My feistiness.

I celebrate my uniqueness. 

This is a lifelong love, I can feel it. It is a love that will be full of encouragement, confidence and trust. I want to grow old with myself. 

Want to go on a double-date with me?